Please suggest some changes in the artucle written by me.
Dear Student,
A part of the right side of your article is missing in the photo, so I am not able to authoritatively give a complete evaluation of it. Below are the parts I would like you to change in whatever I can see, but it would be good if you can post the entire text without any missing parts for a full review.
Kindly note the following changes that are my suggestions for you to change in your report.
Spelling and grammatical errors
Line 3: The right spelling is dowry, not doury.
Line 4: shoplifting and fraud
Line 18: evident, not evident
Page 2, Line 8: instead of saying ‘to treat the criminals’, you can say to ‘nab criminals’ or ‘punish criminals.’
Coherence issues
You have done a good job in your writing. You have a good vocabulary base and a good idea of how to structure sentences. The above suggestions are to make your article even better.
Hope this answers your question. For further doubts, please ask on the forum and our experts will be happy to help you as soon as possible.
Regards.
A part of the right side of your article is missing in the photo, so I am not able to authoritatively give a complete evaluation of it. Below are the parts I would like you to change in whatever I can see, but it would be good if you can post the entire text without any missing parts for a full review.
Kindly note the following changes that are my suggestions for you to change in your report.
Spelling and grammatical errors
Line 3: The right spelling is dowry, not doury.
Line 4: shoplifting and fraud
Line 18: evident, not evident
Page 2, Line 8: instead of saying ‘to treat the criminals’, you can say to ‘nab criminals’ or ‘punish criminals.’
Coherence issues
- “there is a vicious circle which has puzzled the innocent” – you can word it in a better way by saying “crime and its punishment methods is in a vicious cycle which only serves to harm the innocent.”
- “This is evident from rising cases ... and abolition of traffic management by the people of our own country.” – For the reader, it isn’t easy to understand what exactly you mean by ‘abolition of traffic management by the people of our own country’. Please clarify or rewrite in better words.
- Since you are presenting various aspects of how crime affects daily life, it would be better to give pointers. Using the words ‘firstly, secondly’ or ‘first, second’ etc will give more structure and make for easier reading.
- In the body of your article, you have given a lot of points to show the reader the ill effects of crime in our country. While all your points are valid, I would suggest that you cut out a few that you think are less important and flesh out the remaining ones. Give more explanation and perhaps statistical evidence for each point that you present.
You have done a good job in your writing. You have a good vocabulary base and a good idea of how to structure sentences. The above suggestions are to make your article even better.
Hope this answers your question. For further doubts, please ask on the forum and our experts will be happy to help you as soon as possible.
Regards.